Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
