Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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