she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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