and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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