speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
