I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
