I feel great
I just peed on a car
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
