Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
