i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize