i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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