when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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