She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
nutella sex= disaster
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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