We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
