So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize