Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
