well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
