Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
