just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
