i will never coherently bang her
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Randomize