Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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