Just cropdusted the office
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
