I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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