yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
