this just has baby written all over it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
