The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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