Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
