now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
