They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
