Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize