you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
