Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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