Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
