Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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