WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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