you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
We need to get me chipped asap
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
