end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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