Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
