She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
