He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
