grandma shit on top of the toilet
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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