my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
