i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
It's never too late to be topless.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Congratulations! We have a period
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
