she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
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