Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
