Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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