Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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