She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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