you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
