and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
