Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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