During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It's rum buckets o'clock
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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