You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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