Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
