Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
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