On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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