there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
