I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
