It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
