Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
