My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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