hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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