He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
