I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize