talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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