Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
