People in love make me want to vomit
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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