Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize