Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize