is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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