what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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