something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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