How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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