That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
