1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
