I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize