is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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