We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
