idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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