What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love having hate sex.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
