She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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