All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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