My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
