his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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