I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
