just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Randomize
