I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
