He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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