Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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