why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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