your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
