ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
