cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
